Why would you do that?

Well, what an interesting day it’s been. I was back at work after 10 days holiday so it was a bit of a slap in the face this morning. I had inductions followed by a training seminar then 4 hours later it was time for my break and lunch. So there i am talking to Mrs Smith on the phone when i notice this guy walking towards me. He looked a bit weird but i didn’t think anything of it. Next minute he goes to lunge at me, I was convinced he was going to try and get my phone but instead he threw grit in my face! It was all very odd and as you would imagine totally unexpected. I only wanted to get my gingerbread man from Greggs! Luckily he carried on walking and there was a woman behind him otherwise who knows what might have happened – I obviously would have kicked his ass. I called security and the last i heard they were checking CCTV. Hopefully they.ll find this piece of shit before my mum does!

On my way home from cricket training i noticed this outside a takeaway and i have a few questions

It says ‘You ring, Noddy brings’

Firstly, who is Noddy? Is it Noddy Holder? When you call should you ask to speak to Noddy? Do they only employ delivery men called Noddy? Is Noddy a nickname? Is he actually called Nigel? How will i know if it is Noddy that brings the food? Will he be wearing identification? If he isn’t called Noddy should I still accept the food. Could the car’s nickname be Noddy? So many questions, so little time.

Imagine my joy when i realised that even my drink had taken part and won gold in the Olympics, i asked which sport he had taken part in but the reply was ‘no comment’. What a diva!

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