I remember back in the day, cruising around in my friend’s car watching the scallies meet up on a friday night. A night of just sitting in their Vauxhall Novas listening to ”bangin’ choones”. I remember thinking how sad they were but over the last few evenings Mrs Smith and I have turned into them… Except we can’t even drive the car! M2b has given us her car, which is excellent except i can’t drive yet so all i can do is go backwards and forwards in our carpark. Picture the scene, its evening time, we go and sit in our car – Mylo smiling in the back, we’re blaring out girls aloud – not quite ‘bangin’, repeatedly going backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards. God knows what the neighbours must think. I’m convinced the police are going to turn up any minute and try to arrest me for joy riding.
For those that are wondering what a ‘scally’ is, this should give you some idea. Here they are all queuing up, probably to get in JD Sports to nick some trainers.
Warning: Do not google ‘scally chav’ you will get some unsavory images which have most definitely put me off hotdogs for a while!
Despite my nickname being Delboy, I’m not very good at haggling. I’m way too polite. But the time had come to say goodbye to talktalk and start a brand new relationship with Tesco broadband. So i called talktalk and got the usual why are you leaving? we can offer you a better deal blah blah. So i refused and said im not interested, then I got offered the deal of the century! Without even realising i had haggled so much that they were offering me things left right and center. Being a famous soap star does have its advantages! I did say i could do him an autograph but he refused – clearly he was just remaining professional whilst he was working.
Finally, I would like to say that I have nothing against ‘scallies’. I actually like Vauxhall Novas and trainers. I also don’t assume that all scallies nick stuff, i know they don’t. They get their tracksuits on the black market instead.
I’m going to stop now…