I can’t believe it has been a whole year since I started blogging and I managed 201 posts! Considering I didn’t think I would make it past a week, I’m quite impressed with myself. So, to celebrate the last 12 months here are some of the best bits!
2012 in the main has been, well shit but one thing that I always like to complain about regardless of the year are the buses…
“Oh yeah, this morning I was late because the stupid bus decided to sit at a bus stop for no apparent reason. Why do they do this? And why is it always MY bus? I’d also like to send a special thanks to my bus driver who waited until I had begun climbing the stairs before quickly accelerating and then emergency stopping, again for no reason. My mistake, there was a reason, because he was a dick.”
“Ok, maybe this is just me but if i arrive at a bus stop and there is already someone there, I would let them get on the bus first. Likewise if i was the first one there i would expect to be let on first. It’s just the unsaid/unwritten rule isn’t it? Well this doesn’t appear to apply to this beached whale that waits at my stop. She proper cut me up this morning, I must have mistakenly put my invisibility cloak on. She’s lucky she didn’t get an elbow in the face! It’s like she thinks she’s the Queen of the Bus Stop or something. I’m half expecting a red carpet tomorrow complete with the paps photographing her giant ass boarding the bus, that’s if it’ll fit through the doors. The driver might have to open the fire exit at the back. Well tomorrow, she’s going to have a fight on her hands. If she pushes me out the way I’m going to spend the entire journey kicking the back of her seat and resting my newspaper on her head.”
Then there were the neighbour issues…
“Shut the fuck up! Sorry to be blunt but that is the one and only thing that is running through my head at the moment. It would seem that the latest place to hang out would be right outside my front door in the hallway. Of course it would be really unreasonable for me to think that they should keep their voices lowered so as to not disturb anyone. When we leave this flat, that nob is getting a shit left in his letterbox.”
“The fantastic decorator paints all the windows in the flats shut and paints over all of the door numbers then colours over them in black marker. Our lovely white front door is now red too! Despite the ‘wet paint’ notice someone, of course, ignored it. There’s always one. Didn’t take long before we caught them red handed though…”
“It would seem our ‘caught red handed’ neighbours across the way have moved out and decided that half 1 in the morning would be the best time to do so. They even left their front door to bang away for over an hour instead of using some common sense and propping it open. That was nice of them. To make sure they got their rents worth they even came back for the carpet that came with the flat. Excellent.”
There were the arguments with Sarah…
“I think it’s safe to say that I won. It went like this…
Me – ‘I could see you with my eyes’
Sarah – ‘I’m surprised’
I paused for a minute to see why she was so surprised or what she was surprised of but it never came”
“Sarah: ‘Babe, can you go and press play?’
Me: ‘Well can’t you do it you’re stood up?’
Sarah: ‘I know, sometimes I stand up”
I also fell out with someone else…
“I am not happy. I have spent the last 30 minutes trying to be all 21st century and blog from my mobile only to be told on 3 occasions ‘an unexpected error has occurred’. Well here’s something unexpected for you Mr Phone – YOU ARE BEING REPLACED!!”
But it wasn’t all bad. I finally published my children’s book ‘Who stole my food’ which is doing really well. I’m hoping to make a start on the second one and contact a few publishers this year.
I started playing cricket for Didsbury CC, all the girlies are lovely and to make things even better and we won the league too! Cue lots of drinking and partying. Here we are showing off our muscles.
The Doll house had an excellent year of sales with the new addition of Claire and all her pug madness. We did lots of craft fairs this year too, some were better than others though….
“So yesterday was one of our craft fairs. We were sharing a shop space with other people but didn’t know who the other people were. The first person looked like Mrs Krankie and was selling what could only be described as diamond encrusted anal beads and lucky for us were decorating all of the front shop window. The second was a mad woman who looked like she had got in to a fight with some wool and a knitting needle. There was knitted baby stuff EVERYWHERE including the other window. Excellent! So if you could actually see what was in the shop you would have seen the 3rd woman. She was one of these people who thought she could sing but what she was actually doing was attracting all the dogs in the neighbourhood. And it’s people like her boyfriend that do my head in, they encourage these tone death nob heads to sing out and share it with the shop. So, Mrs Krankie had a lovely clothes stand to hang all her ‘rainbow catchers’ off which she put outside the shop window and to give her her dues they were very popular. Not to be outdone though the mad old woman decided to put something outside the shop too. She put a box of her shite cards on a half-broken chair and a revolving clothes rail with all her knitted booties and cardigans on. It looked like a fucking charity shop outside! I have to admit if I had been walking past I wouldn’t have bothered going in. In the afternoon I decided to play them at their own game and joined them outside with a stack of our stuff and then the annoying singing woman joined us, there was more stuff outside than there was inside at this point! Here I am sat outside surrounded by anal beads
One thing that did make us laugh was her conversation with a customer, she was telling them that all her cards were handmade by her. ‘There’s this website that I print all the pictures from but I’m the one that cuts them out and sticks them on’ So basically she knows her way around a pritt stick and can use a pair of scissors.”
Sarah and I appeared on Corrie, we actually sat on set and pretended to talk whilst eating and drinking actual food and drink. None of this plastic stuff you see in toys ‘r’ us. We also met Lynda Bellingham AND Kylie!! Well I say met Kylie, she was touching distance away but the restraining order prevented me from getting any closer
Other news in brief…
“Today started with the lovely view of a cyclist wearing an extremely short skirt, i am only thankful that she was wearing underware!”
“I can only assume that this man used to star in cowboy films with legs like that or he’s just parking his invisable horse.”
“I was kindly told by a deaf customer at work that ‘it would seem i’m not the only one with a hearing problem’. I’ve got pins and needles in my right foot and this morning I woke up in such a cold sweat that I had thought I had actually wet myself!”
“A lady came to look at Rod, the bike that i’m selling, and as she took it for a test drive i realised that my shirt had burst open and I was infact showing her what else i had to offer. She didn’t take the bike and left quite quickly…”
So what a year it has been, a special mention goes to the people that have left the world this year. Fiona, Adrian, Sarah’s granny and grandad and lots of others. Peace be with you.
Happy New Year everyone, I hope it’s a good one for you all. L x